So I'm in bed just crying away. I have nothing in mind but harsh, immature thoughts, even though everything that I've ever wanted is happening to me right this instant! I have my modeling agent who works for ME, I know I'm starting my career without any knowledge but I somehow like it like that. I learn along the way. But even though I like it, I don't feel happy about my hard work. My whole life I've visioned myself as a model; runway, commercials, editorial... pretty much HIGH FASHION...that's what I've wanted my whole life. Though I'm too short for runway AND editorial, therefore I'm a "petite" model which leads me to be stuck with commericals and film. Maybe all of this is just so overwhelming and all coming too fast that I don't have time to enjoy what's being brought to me. I can't say I've never worked hard to be in the fashion industry because I have. I just wish to be in the high fashion industry.
In addition, I'm the finalist for Miss Petite Ontario. For some reason it may sound like a big thing but personally it really doesn't mean a thing. At least not for me. I think I just keep wanting more... I want things that I can't have. Maybe all of this is just a motivation to prove something to the world. Something they've never seen before. Or maybe all of this is telling me to choose a different path. It looks like I am succeeding in this industry but, I feel as though I'm not. I don't know why. I may sound selfish and unappreciative but I just don't feel glamorous... and glamour is something I always thought I would feel.
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