My Goals.

So today I went downtown to have my first photoshoot! Sadly I didn't get any money because it was for my portfolio. The thing that sucks is that I can't get what I want. I actually do envy those girls who are 5"9 with a fair skin complexion because unlike them I actually have to work EXTRA HARD to be successful in the fashion industry as a model. I love to model. Not only because I love attention but because I have actually set goals for myself if I continue being in the fashion industry. One goal is proving those who say "you can go no where with having a career in fashion" that they are wrong because just like any other career whether it being medical, engineering, business, etc. there are pros and cons. Another goal is to show those who are currently being abused physically, emotionally and/or sexually that by over-coming a horrible obsticle like that makes them a hell of a lot more stronger than those who just have nothing to do but bully, manipulate and hurt people around them and who love them. I would also love to show them that those hurtful conflicts and horrible scenerios they have experienced can be a positive thing because they can use it to benefit themselves later on. They can use it as a motivation to push them into what they want to be in life.

My whole life I have been let down by my father. Yes, that is right my father. I was never "daddy's little girl" though I always envied those girls who were. I even found hatred in those who told me they hate their father because they wouldn't have their own way. I found that selfish and disrespectful because from what I saw their fathers TRIED to be there for them when they needed help. Their fathers TRIED to tell them the truth when they refused to hear it. Lastly, their fathers DID want to hurt who ever hurt them. And that I've never experienced. My father is crazy. I mean it. He is selfish and money hungry. I see him as a rich man but with so little to love. When it all comes down to it, he's fake. He has no meaning to his life. Just like Socrates said in his trial, "The unexamined life is not worth living." I use this quote in a way to describe what my father is; not who. He puts everything in a doubt and never questions what's in front of him. This means he is a confused human being though in his eyes it seems as though he knows everything. He only knows what he studies in books. He does not use his mind to wonder but, to assume. He assumes that I will not fulfill my life choosing a fashion career. He assumes I am not happy because of my mother and other surroundings... not because of him. He assumes that I am his daughter when reality is he is not my father. My mother is my father. She is both my mom and dad. All my father knows how to do is assume and connect to what he does not know but thinks he knows.

From this my main goal is to prove to my father that he does not know anything and that he is stupid. Why? Because my whole life my mother made me rely on my father for knowledge but reality is I am self-knowledge and my father knows nothing but what those higher than his profession teach him. By them teaching him, he never takes the time to think he just considers them as always being right and not wrong. By me choosing a path in fashion I take it to my advantage that by me working hard, studying what I never known but will surely know soon that I will prove that fashion is a profession not a hobby and surely not a childish dream.